I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
