By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
