is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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