i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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