I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
