So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
