I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
