I'm lost and stupid without you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
