There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Congratulations! We have a period
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
