dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
