Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
