I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
