i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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