omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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