Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
