i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
