It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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