remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
