Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
