Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
