i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize