He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
