I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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