Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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