bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
