we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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