hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize