She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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