Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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