I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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