Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
