he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
