Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
