Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
