On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize