u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize