On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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