How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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