1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
