i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So squirting runs in the family.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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