I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
it's great music for shaving your balls
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
