lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
