Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
