That's intense
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
