why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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