She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
