One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
