just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
