Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
