Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
