Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
