you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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