And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
