i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
