I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
