So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
