so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize