so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
