no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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