Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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