so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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