i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
