Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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