he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize