i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Randomize
