people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
